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Tag: determination

Whooshie and Me

Fiction by Kenneth M. Kapp

I was visiting my grandkids, who can be a handful. There’re two of them, twins. So after the first day I told my son, I have to take at least three walks each day. “Doc says if I don’t, my arteries are going to clog in short order and ‘Mr. S, it’s sayonara.’ So I take my walks, mid-morning, mid-afternoon, and after supper.”

I’m not totally heartless; I told the twins: “You want to walk with grandpa, you need to behave for 30 hours straight – then you can come with me the next time I go out.” They looked at me as if I’m nuts. I tell them: “Look at the clock, little hand goes around three-and-a-half times – good behavior – and you can come with me next time I’m out the door.”

“Grandpa. We only have digital clocks and 30 means we’d have to add. We’re only in 1st grade.”

Well, I wasn’t about to teach the kids how to add, that’s what parents are for. Maybe it’s moot anyhow: the twins are high-spirited, that’s how my daughter-in-law puts it. I wasn’t going to argue, I like to walk by myself anyhow; it gives me time to think.

That’s how I met Whooshie, name I gave a boy I met on one of those walks. He was probably two years older than the twins and six inches taller. His head came up to my chin.

When I walk, I wander. Gets my kids mad when they ask me where I’ve been and I answer: “Oh, hither and yonder,” waving my hand above my head.

“Dad, one of these days you’re going to get lost and find yourself in a bad neighborhood.”

I don’t think so; I have a good sense of direction. Besides, I like the challenge of finding my way home after not paying much attention on my way out. Cloudy days can be a challenge since moss doesn’t always grow on the north side of the trees. I must have a beagle’s nose; anyway I always manage to find my way home. Heck, I know where my kids live, have their addresses and phone numbers, so what’s the problem if I’m rather vague where I walk. For an old man, it makes it more of an adventure.

With Whooshie I walked mostly in a southwesterly direction. Crossed the big divided boulevard. Other side of the tracks like they say. The neighborhood is a little less middle class, but the lawns are all well-kept. I thought I’d go a couple of more blocks, looked like some shops ahead, see if there was a place I could get a cup of coffee since I could use some caffeine for the way home. A block later this kid comes around the corner towards me, slinging his hands around like he was a human windmill.

I wasn’t far from the mark. As I got closer I heard him going, “Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh,” making big, slow circles with his palms turned out to catch the wind. “Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh.” I liked the sound and smiled. “Way to go kid. Can I try that?”

He comes up straight, almost could hear his heels clicking, snapping his arms to his side. He inclines his head. “My parents taught me that this is a free country but not in stores. There you have to pay. I asked them how can it be free? They told me it’s not that kind of free, more like free to be stupid.”

I laughed. Never thought of things that way. Racked my brains for a good question. I came up empty and could only think of a dumb one since I think I knew the answer. “You go to school?”

“No. I’m home-schooled. My parents said windmills aren’t allowed to go to school.”

“You’ve always been a windmill?” I couldn’t help asking.

“Ever since I read Don Quixote. I read it in Spanish when I was eight. Decided it was stupid tilting at windmills when you could be one.”

I had to step back – Whooshie started up his arms again.

I decided that was enough for our first meeting and went in search of a cup of coffee, leaving Whooshie to find his own way.

I went that way a couple more times over the next ten days – two weeks was my limit at one time with my kids and I was four days into the visit when I first met Whooshie. No luck. By the end of my stay I was friends with the barista, so I asked if he knew Whooshie, tall, lanky kid with a funny smile.

He laughed. “I think I know who you mean. Kid’s nuts, came in once and starts going round with his hands. I said, ‘Whoa, kiddo! You’re going to knock coffee all over the place. What do you want?’ Kid tells me his parents want he should get a summer job, so since it’s hot, he thought maybe he could get work here as a fan. ‘I can lie on the table, move my hands around like this.’ And he starts going with his whoosh, whoosh, whoosh thing. I tell him I don’t think it’ll work out, but I appreciate the offer, gave him a cinnamon bun for trying. He never came in again. You looking for him?”

“Not really. I met him a week ago. We got to talking and I thought of a question I wanted to ask him. No big deal.”

I went home the next day. Next time I visited my son, I failed to come across Whooshie. Ditto, the following year. Then my son gets a promotion and moves to another city. By that time I had forgotten the question anyhow. Couple of times I tried making like a windmill – whoosh, whoosh, whoosh. It wasn’t the same thing. Must be how you turn out your palms.


Kenneth M. Kapp was a Professor of Mathematics, a ceramicist, a welder, an IBMer, and yoga teacher. He lives with his wife in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, writing late at night. He enjoys chamber music and mysteries. Read his earlier microfiction story in The Bluebird Word‘s May 2022 issue.

The Blur

Nonfiction by Joan Potter

Every day when I take off my glasses to brush my teeth, I see my blurry face in the mirror above the sink. I close my eyes before I start brushing so the mint spray won’t hit my sensitive eyes. But when I’m finished and put the glasses back on, the bathroom, the kitchen, the whole apartment is still fuzzy.

My eye condition, macular degeneration, was diagnosed three years ago, and is gradually getting worse; I know it can eventually lead to blindness. At two o’clock in the morning, when I tend to wake up awash in anxiety, I start thinking about what my life will be like as the blurriness, the distortions, the wavy lines and blind spots, keep getting worse. What if I can no longer read, or stream movies on my iPad? I wonder what people do all day when they can’t see.

I’ve been receiving treatment – regular injections into both eyes. It’s not as bad as it sounds. Searching online, I read about aids for people with what is called low vision. There are magnifiers of various sizes, voice-to-text software, text-to-voice software, and other devices I might have to use someday when my world gets foggier.

I try to avoid telling people about my diagnosis. When I do, I feel embarrassed, apologetic, and strangely ashamed. My sons know, of course. They drive me to the supermarket and Target and help me find things on the shelves. They watch me carefully when I’m walking with them to make sure I don’t trip over a bump that I didn’t see. I’ve told a few friends so they’ll understand why I can no longer drive to their houses or take long walks.

One of the first symptoms of this condition is the inability to make out faces of people seen from several feet away. It’s almost impossible for me to recognize acquaintances who are across a room or heading in my direction when I’m walking down the street.

Sometimes I see a friend, Lisa, coming my way. On warm days I know it’s her because she always wears a white shirt with the sleeves rolled to the elbows, revealing her many tattoos. But one day her sleeves reached her wrists. I didn’t wave and smile as this figure walked toward me; when we were face to face I explained why. Now, whenever I bump into her downtown, she comes really close to me and announces, “I’m Lisa.”

Two weeks ago, a smiling woman waved to me in the library parking lot. I responded with a tentative gesture but couldn’t figure out who she was until she had already driven away. A couple of days later I squinted at a man relaxing on a bench in the sun near my apartment building. I thought he might have been one of my favorite neighbors, but it was too awkward to approach him for a chat, in case he wasn’t.

So far, the worst experience was when I didn’t recognize one of my closest friends, a woman I’ve known for twenty-five years. She was walking toward me on a downtown street. From the little I could make out, she appeared to be happy to see me. Hers was a face I had looked at hundreds of times. And yet, she had to do what Lisa had done, stand close to me and say her name.

For days afterward, I was haunted by the scene. Not only that I couldn’t see her face, but that I imagined she saw me as pitiable, a version of myself – once energetic and independent – that I’ve been trying to conceal.


Joan Potter‘s personal essays have appeared in several anthologies as well as such literary journals as Persimmon Tree, The RavensPerch, Bright Flash Literary Review, Iron Horse Literary Review, Stone Canoe, New Croton Review and others. She is the author of several nonfiction books.

A Painting features Forever

Nonfiction by Meredith Escudier

A woman, pear-shaped and clad in a modest swimming suit, edges her way into the
water. Her toes sink into the wet sand, partially disappearing into a cushiony
softness as a few gentle waves ebb and flow. Despite her tentative approach, her
stance gives off a certain determination. Clutched securely in her right hand is the
left hand of her grandson. Together, in a kind of cross-generational unison, they
advance into the gentle Mediterranean.

Little by little, the waves ripple and swell. By the time the water swirls around her
knees, he will already be waist deep. Mindful of this, she goes no further, not for
now. This will be just a teaser, a taste, an awareness of why a beach holds sway,
why they are here today. The sky, in a wash of orange watercolors, gradually
transforms as the day wears on. The light brightens, nearly blinding in its
luminosity before it recedes, as the day proceeds, as life proceeds, gradually
darkening into another palette of grey and purplish navy blue.

Though the watercolors, light and lovely, maintain their transparency, something
has changed. The grandson will come to approach the water on his own one day,
arms held aloft in greeting, a young expectant heart soaring. She knows this. As a
promoter of life, she somehow hungers for this and yet, looking at the horizon, she
also knows she is enacting a certain lesson, a teaching for him, yes, but also for
her.

He will go on, a member of the future, embracing life on his own. And she, the
grandmother, will follow him along with her eyes, quietly drinking in his wonder
and waving to him, tenderly, from afar.


Meredith Escudier has lived in France for over 35 years, teaching, translating, raising a family and writing. She is the author of three books, most recently, a food memoir, The Taste of Forever, an affectionate examination of home cooks that features an American mother and a French husband.

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