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Tag: grandpa

Empty Netters

Nonfiction by Diane Choplin

Dada Brown gently jostled me awake, forefinger finger pressed to his lips.

“It’s time,” he whispered. “You dressed?”

“I slept in clothes.”

“Atta girl.”

Cautiously fumbling our way in the dark, so as not to wake Mama Brown, I felt my way down the hall as he gathered our gear. Once outside, we clicked on flashlights and made for an old chest freezer advertising Creamsicles in faded, cyan lettering. Dada Brown held open the lid while I stood on tippy toes and reached inside, plunging all ten figures into loose soil.

“We just need a handful in this styrofoam cup.”

I was six years old, digging for red wigglers on my first crack-of-dawn fishing expedition with grandpa. He and Mama Brown, my grandma-too-young-to-be-called-that, lived on riverside acreage in La Grange, California – a tiny gold rush town surrounded by rolling hills dotted with gnarled oak trees. Two blocks of nineteenth-century western-fronted shops defined its center. Overlooking these was a hilltop one-room schoolhouse with bell and similarly designed Catholic Church with pioneer cemetery.

We loaded Dada Brown’s forest green ‘66 Dodge truck, smooth-fronted like a VW bus, while Toby, his collie, hopped in the back, pacing excitedly. A short rumble down windy road brought us to a gravel pull out looking like any other. Adamant No Trespassing and No Hunting or Fishing decrees were nailed to nearby trees. Though Dada Brown was one of a privileged few locals permitted to ignore the signs, I still felt an exhilarating prick of danger defying them.

Juggling our poles, net, folding chair and cooler, we made our way across uneven pasture to a four-strand barbed wire fence, sunrise softly illuminating oak savannah. Dada Brown pushed down its menacing top line and climbed deftly over, one leg at a time. Then, as he would on every successive trip, he stepped on the bottom wire and pulled up the next adjacent, prying them apart for my passage through. Some fragment of me inevitably caught. He’d free my fly-away morning hair, my corduroy pants or yellow windbreaker, and we’d continue on, dodging cow pies. Toby led the way down the hill, skirting the lichen splotched dry stone wall, his tail moving in happy circles. When frog chorus suddenly halted, we knew he’d made the pond.

Squeamish about putting worms on hooks, I recoiled at first effort.

“They can’t feel it,” Dada Brown said, reassuringly.

I was skeptical about worms not feeling pain, thrashing as they do when poked.

“Did you know,” he added, “that worms have five hearts? If you cut one in half, they’ll heal and live on as two.” (His voice returns to me when I accidentally cleave one with my shovel: “It’ll be okay, Diane. You made one into two.”)

Somewhat appeased by their regenerative superpower, I reluctantly baited my hook.

Lines cast, Dada Brown settled on his folding chair, pole in one hand, thermos at his side. Unable to sit still, I propped mine against a log, braced it with a rock, and explored with Toby. We stalked bright green tree frogs, shy crawdads and praying mantis, catching each for closer examination. Once, I even managed a young garter snake, Toby barking wildly in what I imagined to be congratulations.

Tugs on line reclaimed my attention, but I don’t remember ever catching a fish. For lunch Dada Brown brought hotdogs we’d roast on sticks over a fire, or wax paper wrapped bacon and peanut butter sandwiches. We ate while making up stories about wily fish evading hooks, occasionally tossing pebbles for Toby to chase.

“Get the frogs,” we shouted. He gleefully obliged, biting water where stones broke the surface. Our raucous game eliminated all hope of hooking dinner.

Once the sun reached its apex, hot and glaring, we packed up. Not wanting to return empty handed, we stopped by the general store for a whole fish, later telling Mama Brown we’d caught it. She no doubt saw through our ruse, but my child brain, giddy to share in a secret, believed she believed.

I’ve been on a few fishing excursions since my early trips with Dada Brown, none nearly as fun. Trapped in a boat, I got antsy, itching to move. Casting lines from watercraft isn’t my idea of a good time. I can’t just park my pole and run around a bank, exploring. I have to sit still and wait. I’m not good at sitting still.

“Isn’t this great!” someone inevitably exclaims. Feet up with a fishing pole in one hand, cold beer in the other, they say: “I could be out here all day!”

Half smiling, I shift uncomfortably and stare off into the distance, where shoreline dissolves into dense forest, wondering what treasures might be found there.


Diane Choplin‘s essays have appeared or are forthcoming in Countryside Magazine, Oregon Humanities, Monologging, and The Oregonian. She lives and writes on a five-acre farm where she also raises rotationally grazed lamb, welcomes Airbnb guests, and keeps hopeful eye out for edible wild mushrooms.

Whooshie and Me

Fiction by Kenneth M. Kapp

I was visiting my grandkids, who can be a handful. There’re two of them, twins. So after the first day I told my son, I have to take at least three walks each day. “Doc says if I don’t, my arteries are going to clog in short order and ‘Mr. S, it’s sayonara.’ So I take my walks, mid-morning, mid-afternoon, and after supper.”

I’m not totally heartless; I told the twins: “You want to walk with grandpa, you need to behave for 30 hours straight – then you can come with me the next time I go out.” They looked at me as if I’m nuts. I tell them: “Look at the clock, little hand goes around three-and-a-half times – good behavior – and you can come with me next time I’m out the door.”

“Grandpa. We only have digital clocks and 30 means we’d have to add. We’re only in 1st grade.”

Well, I wasn’t about to teach the kids how to add, that’s what parents are for. Maybe it’s moot anyhow: the twins are high-spirited, that’s how my daughter-in-law puts it. I wasn’t going to argue, I like to walk by myself anyhow; it gives me time to think.

That’s how I met Whooshie, name I gave a boy I met on one of those walks. He was probably two years older than the twins and six inches taller. His head came up to my chin.

When I walk, I wander. Gets my kids mad when they ask me where I’ve been and I answer: “Oh, hither and yonder,” waving my hand above my head.

“Dad, one of these days you’re going to get lost and find yourself in a bad neighborhood.”

I don’t think so; I have a good sense of direction. Besides, I like the challenge of finding my way home after not paying much attention on my way out. Cloudy days can be a challenge since moss doesn’t always grow on the north side of the trees. I must have a beagle’s nose; anyway I always manage to find my way home. Heck, I know where my kids live, have their addresses and phone numbers, so what’s the problem if I’m rather vague where I walk. For an old man, it makes it more of an adventure.

With Whooshie I walked mostly in a southwesterly direction. Crossed the big divided boulevard. Other side of the tracks like they say. The neighborhood is a little less middle class, but the lawns are all well-kept. I thought I’d go a couple of more blocks, looked like some shops ahead, see if there was a place I could get a cup of coffee since I could use some caffeine for the way home. A block later this kid comes around the corner towards me, slinging his hands around like he was a human windmill.

I wasn’t far from the mark. As I got closer I heard him going, “Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh,” making big, slow circles with his palms turned out to catch the wind. “Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh.” I liked the sound and smiled. “Way to go kid. Can I try that?”

He comes up straight, almost could hear his heels clicking, snapping his arms to his side. He inclines his head. “My parents taught me that this is a free country but not in stores. There you have to pay. I asked them how can it be free? They told me it’s not that kind of free, more like free to be stupid.”

I laughed. Never thought of things that way. Racked my brains for a good question. I came up empty and could only think of a dumb one since I think I knew the answer. “You go to school?”

“No. I’m home-schooled. My parents said windmills aren’t allowed to go to school.”

“You’ve always been a windmill?” I couldn’t help asking.

“Ever since I read Don Quixote. I read it in Spanish when I was eight. Decided it was stupid tilting at windmills when you could be one.”

I had to step back – Whooshie started up his arms again.

I decided that was enough for our first meeting and went in search of a cup of coffee, leaving Whooshie to find his own way.

I went that way a couple more times over the next ten days – two weeks was my limit at one time with my kids and I was four days into the visit when I first met Whooshie. No luck. By the end of my stay I was friends with the barista, so I asked if he knew Whooshie, tall, lanky kid with a funny smile.

He laughed. “I think I know who you mean. Kid’s nuts, came in once and starts going round with his hands. I said, ‘Whoa, kiddo! You’re going to knock coffee all over the place. What do you want?’ Kid tells me his parents want he should get a summer job, so since it’s hot, he thought maybe he could get work here as a fan. ‘I can lie on the table, move my hands around like this.’ And he starts going with his whoosh, whoosh, whoosh thing. I tell him I don’t think it’ll work out, but I appreciate the offer, gave him a cinnamon bun for trying. He never came in again. You looking for him?”

“Not really. I met him a week ago. We got to talking and I thought of a question I wanted to ask him. No big deal.”

I went home the next day. Next time I visited my son, I failed to come across Whooshie. Ditto, the following year. Then my son gets a promotion and moves to another city. By that time I had forgotten the question anyhow. Couple of times I tried making like a windmill – whoosh, whoosh, whoosh. It wasn’t the same thing. Must be how you turn out your palms.


Kenneth M. Kapp was a Professor of Mathematics, a ceramicist, a welder, an IBMer, and yoga teacher. He lives with his wife in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, writing late at night. He enjoys chamber music and mysteries. Read his earlier microfiction story in The Bluebird Word‘s May 2022 issue.

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